Undoubtedly, president of the Poor Peoples Party, Mr. Alex Muliokela drew smiles on the mostly gloomy faces of Zambians last year and was the most talked about presidential hopeful though lightheartedly.

In these days of economic hardships, many people found something to at least smile at in Mr Muliokela’s economic forecasts which included plans to pay loafers a K2,000 monthly allowance for doing nothing.

Some people might have written off Mr Muliokela on his proposal to pay loafers but the on-going social cash transfer is exactly what the man talked about.

Amusement, however, reached a crescendo when he publicly declared his unwavering love for honourable Dora Siliya and chose her as his first lady had he scooped the Zambian presidency in the presidential bye-election of January 20, 2015.

Alas, the man withdrew from the race but still attracted  who talked about him in buses, pubs, shopping malls, markets and even at cemeteries during burials.

Often, he was lifted shoulder-high each time he strolled around the business district of Lusaka mostly by the ‘Kabovas’ who went for his pockets and lost his mobile phone in the process.

Honourable Siliya, who is also the law maker for Petauke and minister of load shedding oops sorry of energy, will do well to replace the cell phone on Valentine’s Day which falls on February 14, 2016.

Last year, Dr. John Phiri gave a public lecture on the English word ‘Re’ which means ‘do again’ and gave a practical example in which he himself starred like in a Bolly Hood movie.

It all started when he was transferred from the Ministry of Education to Local Government and Housing in a mini-reshuffle.

At LGH, Dr Phiri found a dirty document littering his new office which he neatly swept, deposited in the bin and ordered his secretary to re-print a fresh copy.

With the re-printed copy in his armpit, the minister dashed to Chilenje compound in Lusaka and re-launched the document which turned out to be the ‘Keep Zambia Clean Campaign‘.

As you may be aware, this campaign was re-launched by Emerine Kabanshi in January 2014 after its initial launch in June 2007 by Sylvia Masebo both Dr Phiri’s predecessors at LGH.

However, no sooner Dr. Phiri re-launched the already re-launched campaign than he was himself re-launched into re-turning to the Ministry of Education (MoE) to re-become its Minister.

At the MoE, he re-occupied his former office and re-summed duties of announcing and re-announcing grades 7, 9 and 12 examinations results in parliament and press briefing, respectively.

Well done Dr Phiri and I look forward to your next annual public lecture on another topic of your choice.

The new Mwine Lubemba, the Paramount Chief Chitimukulu lamented about the growing ‘Nyanjalization’ of the Bemba language by the easterners  and  cited as an example the shortening of the common name ‘Musonda’ to simply ‘Muzo’.

Your Highness, your own Bemba subjects are excited about their newly acquiring letters of B, D, H, R, V and Z in their mouth since they are naturally born without them.

You may agree with that even you yourself, Your Highness, would rather say ‘lula’ instead of ‘ruler’, ‘ndefeti’ for David, ‘ainesi’ for ‘highness’, ‘leluwe’ for ‘railway’, ‘foti” for ‘vote’ and ‘Sebula’ for ‘Zebra’.

So, the Bembas are frequently using these new words for fear of letting them slip out of their mouth for good.

A disappointed Bemba soccer fan recently grumbled “Zo-ona twalusa, Namibia Atu Dabwisha”, a Nyanja-Bemba-Nyanja sentence (meaning ‘really we’ve lost, Namibia has surprised us) in reference to the Chipolopolo boys recent defeat at home.

So you see Your Highness, soon you may be the only Bemba person still calling Zambezi river as Chambeshi lifa.

President Edgar Chagwa Lungu closed 2015 on a humourous note too during his first press conference held under a tree outside the main building at state house.

The President sent Zambians watching the proceedings live on television laughing when he recited the famous single word poem entitled ‘kanitundila’.

However, the President fell short of saying:” Nileke iwe kolwe, sinine mwana  wa nyoko neo” (leave me alone monkey, I’m not your mother’s son). Some pastoral monkeys baptised former president Ruphia Banda at the same spot a couple of years ago and it seemed the primates were poised to christen President Lungu, as the latest plot one tenant.

Incidentally, both my foes and pals from the north have confided in me that monkey meat make

tasty biltong.

Let us make 2016 a humorous year and let God add more hilarity.

Categorized | features


  1. CHITI AND NKOLE says:

    This whole article is nonsense. No direction and no facts. Bemba has B,H and D. For example BWALYA, CHANDA, CHALWE. What we do not have are X,Q,R and Z


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